What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize