I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
