i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
