8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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