I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
