Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
