I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
