I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
