So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
