when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
