My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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