If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
