I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
