Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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