I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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