Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
