I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
