This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
