I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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