Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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