The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
