I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
