no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
