I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
