I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
