i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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