I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
