i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
