in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
