i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
