he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
worst night to have a conscience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
