This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
