I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
