Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
