Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
