Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
