I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
