you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
