Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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