i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
