ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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