he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
