one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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