I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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