Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
