WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
