is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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