That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
