What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
