alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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