we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
