Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize