I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
