My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
