and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
