we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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