Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
