i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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