My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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