I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
