is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
