Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
