Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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