so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize