I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
