Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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