If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
