I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
