You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to be your penis for a week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
