I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
