thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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