Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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