Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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